Christian Leadership is Lonely

I've been thinking about this for a while and just thought I'd write a few things down to kick start a discussion- Now it may be this doesn't apply to you or you have such close friends that it isn't an issue but I think at some time in our lives it is a huge issue and one that is worth thinking about.

A few months ago I asked the question what does the word Leadership mean to you? Now the majority (if not all) of the people who reply are involved in active christian leadership (as are the people who are most likely reading this blog, but loneliness wasn't really mentioned. Leah did mention sacrifice however and self sacrifice was mentioned but it isn't something people often think of when thinking of their leaders. Now just to make a side point here- I'm not really talking about about team based leadership- I think being on the Christian union leadership team (the exec) or Impact or adventure club leadership teams are quite different from solo leadership e.g. church pastor, small group leader, chaplain, or any other group where you alone are answerable to people. Now our churches/organisations do often mention the need for accountability in leadership but I think if we filled the loneliness hole we wouldn't have so many christian leaders crash and burn.

Now why is it lonely? well A.W. Tozer gives an answer I like with relation to Christians being lonely in the world :
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

Now I think that in a Leader this is amplified. For me personally I find it very hard to admit faults or struggles to people I am leading. I think that if people realise how much i am struggling with something they will look down upon me as a leader. Now if our entire network are people we are leading we find that we isolate ourselves very quickly. Thus you withdraw and fill your life with things running away from the loneliness.
Also leaders feel like they are pulling in a direction and no one seems willing/ enthusiastic to go with them. I'm sure as a church pastor it must be draining to preach a real get up and evangelise sermon when the first comment to you at the door is 'Man those cowboys are terrible aren't they...' ' Appreciated the sermon- gotta get home for lunch' 'thanks for that- would you mind locking up for me- just gotta do something'
Often our pastors are the first ones there and the last ones to leave. Your emotions push you from the high of having some many people listen to me to the depression of no one actually listened to what I said tonight. And yes I said Depression... I think many of our leaders do have incidents of depression- most burst out of it but what happens if they don't.
Andy Rau comments in his blog

...depression is the ultimate incurvatus se. You are turned inward, and emotions that are focused outward (like anger or love) are barely on the horizon. Everything is turned inward. So while the good preachers go through themselves in terms of understanding the human condition to preach the Gospel, the depressed person can’t go through themselves. They get stuck. They are in the black hole of their own doubts and fears, and rather than expressing them (theologically in confession, pastorally in preaching, and psychologically in counseling), they simply stew in their own juices so that nothing can come out.

I might also add that in dealing with depression, it is also incredibly hard to take anything in. Reading, meditating, discussing the texts of Holy Writ are almost impossible. So if the depressed pastor… is forced to continue preaching, in pretty short order he will be running on nothing, stuck saying words he doesn’t mean, recycling sermons or copying others’ words.

Yikes—that’s something that can affect the health of the entire church body.

I guess what I'm trying to say is When was the last time you took the time to encourage your leader/pastor etc. Have you ever asked them how they are doing? Be prepare though- they might not give you a straight answer as they are leading you. If you are a leader can I encourage you to seek out someone who isn't in your group- to build a friendship with. It took me a while to realise that my small group (who I love dearly) was made up of most of my friends whom I did open up to and so when i became leader over them it became hard to have the same relationship with some of them as before. I'm conscious that being single it is vastly different being married especially the friendship area but now I'm turning it over to you guys: what do you think about loneliness affecting or being a part of ministry- how has marriage changed that?

note: something that helped me work through things was this link, encourage everyone but especially singles to read it-It helped me a fair bit over the last few years