Bullying these days has reached new levels. In the past we could head home and know we were safe. However now with facebook and phones there really is no escape. And kids are vicious. I read with great sorry this story below about how some bullies created a guy on facebook- had him woo a girl and they then "dated" on facebook for 3 months and then had him commit suicide. Wow how devastated would you be. Read below- found here
CYBERBULLIES tricked a 15-year-old British girl into believing that she had an online boyfriend for three months before cruelly "killing" him in a hoax suicide.
The victim, from Blackburn in Lancashire, northern England, was devastated when she saw Facebook reports that 16-year-old "Jaydon Rothwell" apparently killed himself with a cocktail of alcohol and drugs, the Lancashire Telegraph reported.
"Jaydon" was in fact the fictional creation of two 16-year-old girls who wanted to hurt the victim because she was once involved with one of their ex-boyfriends.
Police arrested the pair and forced them to apologise to the girl at a restorative justice meeting for what was described as a "devious plot".
Authorities were alerted when the fake suicide led 2000 people to join an online tribute site - but there was no record of sudden deaths in the area.
"I cried because I was shocked, gutted and scared. I was grieving for someone who wasn't real and felt I had been so gullible," the victim said.
Sergeant Paul Schofield said: "When all is said and done, this is online bullying. Social networking is a fantastic tool, but it can be misused by a small percentage of people."
A Facebook spokesman added: "Facebook is a place for real friendship, and we encourage people to think carefully about who they add as a friend."
Showing posts with label Kid's and Youth ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kid's and Youth ministry. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Balance or lack there of.
Well tonight I failed. I had agreed to catch up with someone after my futsal game. My problem was the game got delayed and then the game lengths got extended. To make a long story short I stood up that person although it wasn't entirely my fault. Turns out that person has some kinda serious things they wanted me to talk through with them. I feel terrible and apologise hugely. I feel selfish. To make matters worse men's A futsal is now moved to Sunday night which means I miss church. I feel just as bad about that. Problem is my men's futsal games are stress relief as well as much needed fitness for me. I miss catching up with people after church. So what is the answer? Do I drop futsal (I do go the 11am morning service) what tips do you guys use when balancing things out?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Paul Washer's Shocking Message
There seems to be a return to the shocking sort of preachers. This guy Paul Washer seems to give a welcome rebuke to the churches of today. In the little I've heard and seen of him he is attacking the False prophets of today, and challenging us to repent and believe. Now I don't know much about him but from what I understand he became known through a message he preached at a youth conference. This is a shortened version of it- set to music to make us connect more emotionally (not done by him but by some one else)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Why bother with silly stuff- The times have changed
Well I seem to be making a monthly habit of posting so I thought I'd continue it. One of the things I've been doing is learning the ropes as a chaplain of a local primary school. Having gotten to know a few kids who are really hurting I feel like thinking about the strategy of our youth groups and children's ministries in the context of the changing nature/state of kids. I'm going to be making some pretty bold statements which hopefully may make u think and may even offend you but please don't shut off follow me through.
Point 1 Children are Changing.
And I don't mean for the better. There is a cultural slide down hill. Kids have no respect for authority figures in their day to day lives. Now I don't mean to sound like the old man sitting on the porch saying "these kids today have no respect" but lets have a look why. Firstly there is a break down in the whole family structure. Single parent kids aren't the exception in our schools they are almost the rule. Kids don't have a solid family structure so they aren't being taught how to interact with other people. It is a fight for what you have to, dog eat dog mentality. Now how can we expect a kid who is being bashed up at home to interact with other kids. he'll react and interact in the only way he's been taught: violence.
Kids have never been taught respect. and I don't mean bashing up respect, I'm talking about a respect that come from Love. A respect that comes from fairness. A respect that was taught to me by my dad in that I will get punished for what I do wrong but He still loves me. If a kid doesn't have a father or a loving parent they don't see the love: All they see is the beating. So what hope do we have of a grade 1 kid when he come to school and has never seen tough love before: he will run from punishment. He will swear at a teacher just like he has been sworn at. He will treat teachers just the same as he treats all the rest of the adults in his life. With the same contempt as Adults Treat Him.
Now I am talking about the minority here but this is happening rapidly. And our society and especially our 'Liberated Universities' wont recognize the break down of the family unit as an issue causing this problem. They talk about 'up-skilling' behavior management stragies they pump out drugs to help tone he kids down and mean while our the poor kids drift from school to school- teachers too scared to fail them because they might have them next year, counting the days till their old enough to drop out or their guardians pull them out of school (do we even have Truant Officers anymore?)
Now we bring in strategies to manage these behavior problems. We start good programs to deal with these issues. But the problem is the average grade 1/2/3/4/5/6/7 kid sees the energy and attention we are giving these 'bad' minority and is feeling un-loved themselves (due to the teacher spending more time with the bad kids)- sees in the problem the solution. I'll act up so I get more attention. and it WORKS. Then another kid does it and very rapidly there is a peer pressure in the class to be bad and the poor teacher has gone from having a couple of behavior problems to a host of them. So what does the teacher do? Yell Louder at them? (gets old quick and they are yelled at with a far larger vocabulary at home) Send them all to time out? (great half the class is there so they'll have fun). Send them to the principle's office? (They don't have much power anymore all they can do is threaten to call the parents (which works till grade 3 or so in some cases)). Suspend them... (Woohoo there is no one at home playstation all day or worse case I might get the belt as well tonight on top of the normal beating). You see in the past there was a peer pressure to be good now there is that pressure to be bad.
Well is this just the guys? Well no its girls too. It just manifests itself differently. Carly in her blog writes well of what is means to a girl to be loved.
This basic need isn't met destroying their self esteem and their view of their self-worth which i'll leave for others to talk about. But let me just say again Kids are different to what we were.
2 How do we deal with this in our Churches and Youth groups?
Well Firstly we need to leave the traditional sunday school method behind. Kids wont respond to being sat down and told about a father who loves them when they can't even understand love or even what a good father is.
Well then lets get kids in to play games and have fun and we'll talk about God for 5 minutes and
they'll see from us and how we interact we're just like them. Well No. kids will come because they are bored and some might find the love like a parent but we still aren't getting down to what needs to be fixed so they get bored of the same old games and the extreme fun and go off to the lastest fad or girlfriend or boyfriend that comes along. There is no difference from that to the afterschool program that they go to except the leaders are more easily manipulated. Eventually the leader burns out because the kids are just looking to take take take and they end up as babysitters.
Well I think I have the beginnings of the answer but I'm not going to just say it- I'm going to tell a story.
I was asked to have a chat to a kid who was being bullied and bullying in response. I was talking to him about how kids are different, talking about a kid who had a condition that was annoying this kid until he snapped (thinking to teach tolerance). And His response floored me. He said "Yes Isabelle is different (our Youth minister's kid) I started to tell him off for being mean and then asked 'how so?'
He said Being around her she doesn't let people get her annoyed- she doesn't respond much- she just does the right thing- she is different from most kids.
We discussed this more and he then proceeded to name both the other kids we have in our kids club as also being different EVEN though they are in the grade ABOVE him. Now out of 1000 kids he brought up 3 kids all of whom are 'different' and all are grounded Christians- not prefect Christians but Kids who are Christians.
So I think This is what we need to be doing in our churches and various ministries. Building up our kids- strengthening and equipping them to be able to live their lives as a witness. Preparing them to bring kids into our groups. And when these kids come in we need to be able to adapt. We can't be demanding respect like a teacher. We need to be building relationships with kids/teens. We need to be EARNING respect. How? by Loving them- by showing them we Want to spend time with them. Not Bossing them around but showing them how to do it. We need to be focusing on where that love comes from. You see Kids who find people different aren't going to just come seeking games. They want to know what makes the kid different. And if we have a bible group with the majority of loving Christians they will come in, some for the first time in their live in a group of love and joining in with the majority in striving to go good because that is the cool thing to do in the group. I'm not saying you can't still have games or they wont slip up but The MAIN FOCUS MUST BE DIRECTLY on GOD AND HIS WORD which is what makes us DIFFERENT from every other person they have ever met. And this completely changes our role as leaders. We need to be encouraging our kids, modeling Godly behaviors (being different like in Titus 2 older women showing younger women...) and just being there as support for our kids in this battlefield. But Most of all teaching them from God's word so they are able 'to stand firm in the faith'. Debriefing them, sharing in their good and bad times and being part of the loving foundation which they base their lives.
Our Christian Kids are the ones who are carrying the standard into this battle in our schools. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ENCOURAGE AND SUPPORT THEM IN THEIR MINISTRY?
Point 1 Children are Changing.
And I don't mean for the better. There is a cultural slide down hill. Kids have no respect for authority figures in their day to day lives. Now I don't mean to sound like the old man sitting on the porch saying "these kids today have no respect" but lets have a look why. Firstly there is a break down in the whole family structure. Single parent kids aren't the exception in our schools they are almost the rule. Kids don't have a solid family structure so they aren't being taught how to interact with other people. It is a fight for what you have to, dog eat dog mentality. Now how can we expect a kid who is being bashed up at home to interact with other kids. he'll react and interact in the only way he's been taught: violence.
Kids have never been taught respect. and I don't mean bashing up respect, I'm talking about a respect that come from Love. A respect that comes from fairness. A respect that was taught to me by my dad in that I will get punished for what I do wrong but He still loves me. If a kid doesn't have a father or a loving parent they don't see the love: All they see is the beating. So what hope do we have of a grade 1 kid when he come to school and has never seen tough love before: he will run from punishment. He will swear at a teacher just like he has been sworn at. He will treat teachers just the same as he treats all the rest of the adults in his life. With the same contempt as Adults Treat Him.
Now I am talking about the minority here but this is happening rapidly. And our society and especially our 'Liberated Universities' wont recognize the break down of the family unit as an issue causing this problem. They talk about 'up-skilling' behavior management stragies they pump out drugs to help tone he kids down and mean while our the poor kids drift from school to school- teachers too scared to fail them because they might have them next year, counting the days till their old enough to drop out or their guardians pull them out of school (do we even have Truant Officers anymore?)
Now we bring in strategies to manage these behavior problems. We start good programs to deal with these issues. But the problem is the average grade 1/2/3/4/5/6/7 kid sees the energy and attention we are giving these 'bad' minority and is feeling un-loved themselves (due to the teacher spending more time with the bad kids)- sees in the problem the solution. I'll act up so I get more attention. and it WORKS. Then another kid does it and very rapidly there is a peer pressure in the class to be bad and the poor teacher has gone from having a couple of behavior problems to a host of them. So what does the teacher do? Yell Louder at them? (gets old quick and they are yelled at with a far larger vocabulary at home) Send them all to time out? (great half the class is there so they'll have fun). Send them to the principle's office? (They don't have much power anymore all they can do is threaten to call the parents (which works till grade 3 or so in some cases)). Suspend them... (Woohoo there is no one at home playstation all day or worse case I might get the belt as well tonight on top of the normal beating). You see in the past there was a peer pressure to be good now there is that pressure to be bad.
Well is this just the guys? Well no its girls too. It just manifests itself differently. Carly in her blog writes well of what is means to a girl to be loved.
This basic need isn't met destroying their self esteem and their view of their self-worth which i'll leave for others to talk about. But let me just say again Kids are different to what we were.
2 How do we deal with this in our Churches and Youth groups?
Well Firstly we need to leave the traditional sunday school method behind. Kids wont respond to being sat down and told about a father who loves them when they can't even understand love or even what a good father is.
Well then lets get kids in to play games and have fun and we'll talk about God for 5 minutes and
they'll see from us and how we interact we're just like them. Well No. kids will come because they are bored and some might find the love like a parent but we still aren't getting down to what needs to be fixed so they get bored of the same old games and the extreme fun and go off to the lastest fad or girlfriend or boyfriend that comes along. There is no difference from that to the afterschool program that they go to except the leaders are more easily manipulated. Eventually the leader burns out because the kids are just looking to take take take and they end up as babysitters.
Well I think I have the beginnings of the answer but I'm not going to just say it- I'm going to tell a story.
I was asked to have a chat to a kid who was being bullied and bullying in response. I was talking to him about how kids are different, talking about a kid who had a condition that was annoying this kid until he snapped (thinking to teach tolerance). And His response floored me. He said "Yes Isabelle is different (our Youth minister's kid) I started to tell him off for being mean and then asked 'how so?'
He said Being around her she doesn't let people get her annoyed- she doesn't respond much- she just does the right thing- she is different from most kids.
We discussed this more and he then proceeded to name both the other kids we have in our kids club as also being different EVEN though they are in the grade ABOVE him. Now out of 1000 kids he brought up 3 kids all of whom are 'different' and all are grounded Christians- not prefect Christians but Kids who are Christians.
So I think This is what we need to be doing in our churches and various ministries. Building up our kids- strengthening and equipping them to be able to live their lives as a witness. Preparing them to bring kids into our groups. And when these kids come in we need to be able to adapt. We can't be demanding respect like a teacher. We need to be building relationships with kids/teens. We need to be EARNING respect. How? by Loving them- by showing them we Want to spend time with them. Not Bossing them around but showing them how to do it. We need to be focusing on where that love comes from. You see Kids who find people different aren't going to just come seeking games. They want to know what makes the kid different. And if we have a bible group with the majority of loving Christians they will come in, some for the first time in their live in a group of love and joining in with the majority in striving to go good because that is the cool thing to do in the group. I'm not saying you can't still have games or they wont slip up but The MAIN FOCUS MUST BE DIRECTLY on GOD AND HIS WORD which is what makes us DIFFERENT from every other person they have ever met. And this completely changes our role as leaders. We need to be encouraging our kids, modeling Godly behaviors (being different like in Titus 2 older women showing younger women...) and just being there as support for our kids in this battlefield. But Most of all teaching them from God's word so they are able 'to stand firm in the faith'. Debriefing them, sharing in their good and bad times and being part of the loving foundation which they base their lives.
Our Christian Kids are the ones who are carrying the standard into this battle in our schools. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ENCOURAGE AND SUPPORT THEM IN THEIR MINISTRY?
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